There's No Place Like Oz

By the end of the year, I’ll be married!

Surprised? I’m still (pleasantly) surprised myself.

Gav: Me too beautiful :-*
(Oh yeah, Gav’s going to be commenting throughout this post too! After I wrote it, he logged in and added his thoughts.)

I’ve never dreamed about a wedding or being someone’s wife. When girl friends learn I haven’t been planning the day for years, some are shocked. “Isn’t that what every little girl does,” they wonder. Perhaps, but not this gal.

I met my first boyfriend senior year of high school. I intentionally spent almost all of my college career single. I very happily spent most of my 20s single and assumed I would never get married. I only started dating again in the last few years.

It didn’t bother me that I may not have a life partner. I realized one day in my early 20s that there’s not necessarily someone for everyone. As long as I had the love of family and friends, I was happy.

I believe in marriage and I believe in forever. After watching so many family members and friends experience divorce, I wasn’t quite sure if the pain was worth the gamble — for me personally. I figured that if God had someone he wanted me to spend my life with, I was going to need a huge, flashing neon sign saying “THIS IS THE MAN, HEATHER!” Seriously, I even told Him so on more than one occasion.

Well it didn’t take a huge sign. Or lights. Or pyrotechnics or tricks. It was a matter of it being the right time for me and Gavin to enter each others lives.

Meet Gavin

I had no idea who Gavin was until last summer when I visited our mutual friends in London. Several of the girls welcomed me with, “You’re going to meet several new members of the group on this visit. One of them is Gavin…he’s super shy.” I suppose the ladies were simply saying “if he doesn’t talk to you, don’t be offended”, but I took it on as a challenge to get the new guy to talk to me.

Yes, Gavin is shy when you first meet him and very likely for a while after you’ve met. But we clicked. And he talks to me…a lot! He has a quick wit I don’t think he shows everyone. Of all the people I’ve ever known, there is no doubt that he’s one of the most considerate and thoughtful. He’s kind. He treats people well. He’s unselfish. He’s smart, super cute, and affectionate. Gav tells me how much he loves me all of the time.

Gav: I love you super sweet wonderful beautiful cute BTB (Bride To Be 🙂 )

The road from friendship to engaged

By the end of the visit last summer, we’d become friends. When I returned home, we started talking online every day. We kept that up. For the next six months. We emailed, Skyped, communicated on Facebook and Twitter, sent cards in the mail, and planned not one but three visits for him to come to the USA before the year’s end.

Gav: Phone chats too!  When Heather goes to the gym in the morning, it’s lunch time for me, so I give her a call and we chat for a bit.  When Heather’s lunch time comes along, I’m leaving work, so we have another chat on the phone.  Of course when Heather is driving home we chat again on the phone :-) 

Some family friends once told me that if and when I met the right guy, I’d be married within six months. Turns out that’s (almost) true.

Gav: You’ve (almost) met the right guy? 😉

I’m not married within six months, but we got engaged about six months after we first met. From the outside looking in, that can seem fast, but we both know it’s right and have been talking about it for quite a while. When you talk to someone every day, throughout the day, you can get to know each other fairly well! Living an ocean apart has really helped us rely on strong communication as the foundation of our relationship.

I believe that starting to date again over the last few years helped prepare my heart to be open to meeting THE one. Taking charge of my 30s and following my dream of living in Australia for a year also brought me to an open place in my life and placed me in London at the right time to meet Gavin, whose life was also on a path that was readying him to meet me.

 Gav:  Yep, a few changes for me over the last couple of years and I’m still so amazed and happy that I had booked a couple of weeks off work that just happened to be when you were in England 🙂

Will you marry me?

Many friends and family members learned about our engagement over the last week and have asked for the story! I’ve only been able to share it a few times one-on-one. I’m writing this post to share the news with everyone who has asked. To everyone who has offered kind words in person, on the phone, via email, and on Facebook already, THANK YOU! It means so much to us.

Gav and I knew early on that we wanted to be together. After discussing marriage and the future throughout the fall, we began making more concrete plans during his visit at the end of the year. We researched the visas in both countries and decided that we would start in the USA.

Though we had decided to get engaged last year, we knew he would ask in person during one of our visits together in early 2012. He had me convinced that he would ask during my late-March visit to London. And when he arrived two weeks ago in the USA, mega-relaxed, cool as a cucumber, and totally at ease, I knew that he was not going to ask during this visit.

Gav: “Would you be disappointed if it didn’t happen on the February trip?” ;-)  -  this was a question I asked the week before the flight.

We had a perfect Valentine’s Day. Gav made us breakfast, I went to work for a few hours, we spent the afternoon relaxing, and then we went to a 3-course meal at a local restaurant. Toward the end of the meal, Gav attempted to build up to the proposal by saying sweet things to me. But as he always says sweet things, I was totally oblivious that he was working towards a proposal. I started discussing and analyzing each course, asking him about his favorite parts and sharing mine. In between my foodie ramblings, he would add in a loving statement or two, only for me to smile, say I loved him too and resume talking about food. HA.

Gav: I was so nervous!  After the main meal I went to the rest room (yes, talking American already), to take the ring from my shirt pocket and put it on my left little finger.  On returning to the table I just kept my left hand under the table through dessert.  This was difficult at one stage, when I was having trouble sharing it with Heather, I couldn’t cut the dessert one handed.  I love hearing what Heather has to say on anything, especially her food analysis.  It was clear I wasn’t going to be able to ask until she had finished her analysis of the meal.  I just sat back with a big smile on my face and listened 🙂

Finally I shut up and said I needed to excuse myself to the restroom. As I started to push my chair back, Gav said, “Before you go…” and my brain started spinning. Wait, is going to ask tonight?! No way, he’s so calm. He’s asking in March.

Gav:  So at this point I’m putting the ring in my right hand and holding it how I want to present it, all under the table, glad I didn’t drop the ring at this point. 🙂

And suddenly I hear Gav asking me to marry him and see him holding a beautiful ring we’d found together. In a moment of complete surprise I actually asked him (not once but twice…and maybe three times), “Are you serious?”

Gav: Yeah, three times!  🙂 I have to admit the first two times she said it actually threw me off a little – I was surprised that I had managed to surprise her so completely. Heather was truly surprised, which was what I was aiming for. Heather knew I would ask during one of two trips, so it wouldn’t be a complete surprise – so that’s what I worked on during the build up to the trip, making it as much a surprise as possible.  The day before Valentines day I had two lots of flowers delivered to the house and prepared them with balloons and my Valentines card to her.  I had the scene ready for her in her room, then when she come home and was going up stairs I followed her up to get her reaction :-)  Heather loved this, but I also thought that she would think if I was going to propose on this trip it would have been then 🙂

Now let me pause here to say that the night before, Gav and I were just chatting when I suddenly said “marry me” with a smile. He said I couldn’t ask before he did 🙂 And for a moment at dinner, I thought he was simply doing what I had the night before…asking but not really asking.

Once I realized that wait, he has a ring and he’s said “yes I am serious” two or three times, the man deserved a clear answer! So I said, “Absolutely!”

Gav: I was so happy that I almost forgot to put the ring on her beautiful finger 🙂

What’s next?

A handful of people have been surprised to learn that Gav is from England. That he has a UK passport. That he’s not an American expat living in England but that London has always been his home. So in case you didn’t know, now you do 🙂

Gav: Yes, I am English.  It did surprise me a little that a lot of people, even ones we spoke to, assumed I was an American living in England!

Since Gav’s not an American citizen, getting married and being together involves some extra steps. First, we need the K1 fiance visa. We completed and filed the petition, and someone working for US Citizenship and Immigration Services is currently reviewing our case. Lawyers, online timelines, and even USCIS itself all offer different date ranges for when it could be approved, so for now, we’re patiently waiting for updates.

The K1 process involves a fair amount of paperwork, documentation of a genuine relationship, financial resources, and patience. Once we’re further along in the process, I will write about our experiences. We thought about a do-it-yourself approach to save money but have opted to go with a lawyer who charges a fair fee for the level of support we actually need (which is low compared to most couples who need translation services and the like).

Once Gav has the visa, he has six months in which to enter the USA. Once he arrives on US soil, we have 90 days in which to get married. After we’re married, we can begin the paperwork to adjust his status and pursue his green card and work authorization.

Many people have asked about wedding dates and when we will start planning! We hope to decide on a date in the next couple of months and will begin serious planning after a month or so of simply enjoying this time of being newly engaged.

Thank you again to everyone who has showered us with love and support so far. It’s meant the world to both of us. ♥

Gav: I would also like to thank everyone for all the love and support shown to us. Thank you everyone, also thanks to such a lovely family – Heather’s parents and sisters are great 🙂