In 72 hours and 12 minutes, I board a plane bound for the USA.
I know it’s a fact. I’ve told dozens of people in the last week that I’m coming home. But saying that I leave in three days doesn’t make it feel real, even though I hear myself say it. Even though I booked the flight using airline miles less than two weeks ago. Even though I knew this experience wouldn’t last forever.
It doesn’t seem like the end. I’ve just returned from my second road trip in Australia, and I’m ready to hop in the campervan and do it all again. I minimized the work portion of the “Work and Holiday Visa”, and I’m not ready to give up this lifestyle. Not ready to say goodbye to friends, my beloved Sydney, macarons, or cafes.
I’m not ready to go home. I miss my family and friends in the US and can’t wait to connect with everyone over the course of the next few months — but I’m not ready to leave what I have in Australia either. Since I booked my flight home, I’ve found myself crying daily, saying goodbye to people and places in Oz. Meanwhile, friends and family at home cheer on Facebook as they anticipate my homecoming. I want people at home to know that I love and miss them, but I’m not as ready as they are for my return.
I think some of the tears have been because I’m so happy with the way I lived the last year. I have no regrets. I’ve learned new things about and discovered new sides to myself. No, living in another country doesn’t mean every day is a vacation — far from it. But despite the difficult times, I’d live this year over again in a heartbeat.
I suppose this is the first in a series of posts I’ll write about my departure from Australia and return to Virginia. There’s too much to say to share it all now, and with the jumble of thoughts I’ve had and emotions I’ve experienced, I don’t think I could say it all in one go anyway. It wouldn’t do this whole transition justice.
Today is Easter and I have the house I’ve been staying in all to myself, as everyone else is out visiting family. In the quiet, a few quotes that have resonated with me in the past suddently came to mind. They seem to sum up nicely the journey from start to finish.
Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life. -Anonymous-
It took a while to discover what I wanted to do after college, but once I did, it felt like a light bulb had suddenly turned on. Working with university students and providing career advice and counseling felt like a perfect fit and a dream job. After two years of working at a university followed by two years of graduate school, I was finally ready to begin my career as a career counselor!
In addition to my work-related interests, other passions emerged over the course of a few years — international travel in particular. Work and travel don’t have to be at odds, but following a 3-week trip to Australia between finishing graduate school and starting a new job, I realized that long term travel HAD to be part of my future. In a relatively short time span, the interest in travel became stronger than the interest in developing my career. I enjoyed my work, but I wanted to travel more. So in early 2009, unbeknownst to my colleagues and most of my friends, I made the decision to work for another year and a half, saving money and looking ahead to a year in Australia. Just knowing that I was going to live my dream of long-term travel in Oz brought about several changes. Work suddenly became less stressful. I felt happier overall. I felt more healthy and began living a more healthy lifestyle than ever before. Apparently following my dreams suited me!
Before I decided to take a leap and make the last year a reality, I wouldn’t say I was necessarily “too busy making a living” — after all I worked in education 😉 And I had an overall nice, happy life. But outside of the eat, sleep, work routine, I felt I had little time to connect with friends who live all over the country. Little time to pursue non-work related interests and passions — or to discover what those even are! Work isn’t a bad thing, but I could have easily allowed establishing myself as a professional in the field to keep me from taking a risk and resigning just after a promotion. Quitting my job and taking a chance on myself is easily one of the best decisions I have ever made. Though I don’t know what’s next, I want to find a way to make a living while having plenty of time to make a life.
Every little piece of your life will mean something to someone. – Editors-
My friends are largely scattered around the USA and even around the globe. It’s a blessing to be able to travel to different places and visit, but it’s difficult to see some of my best friends only a few times a year.
After spending the last year in Australia, I’ve developed several very close friendships. I’ve met lots of new people through work, travel, and social media. And I’m sad that once I hop on that plane, I won’t be able to meet up with them over a coffee, spend time exploring the country together, or even have the promise of seeing them soon. Of course we have Skype, Twitter, Facebook, and email, but even with all those forms of communication, it won’t be the same. I won’t be able to hug them. We won’t talk as often. It will be difficult to maintain as close a relationship as we currently have. That’s life, but that’s hard.
No matter what happens next with these relationships, “we’ll always have Australia”. The Editors lyric that “every little piece of your life will mean something to someone” has been one of my favorites for a while. Several people have had a significant impact on my life in this last year, and whatever the future has in store, I’ll never forget the ways they challenged, inspired, encouraged, supported, and loved me. Hopefully this last year of my life has meant something to the people I’ve spent time with as well.
Do one thing every day that scares you. -Eleanor Roosevelt-
There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it. -George Bernard Shaw-
If you’ve followed my adventures over the last year, you’ll know that I take the Eleanor Roosevelt quote above to heart. It’s inspired quite a bit of risk-taking over the last several years, and it will continue to be one of my quotes to live by.
No amount of risk taking, however, makes me fearless. And I think another reason that I’m not ready to go home is that I’m afraid.
I’m afraid of losing the confidence that comes with long-term travel, making a new life for yourself (even if temporarily), and pursuing a dream. Afraid of losing the generally relaxed feeling I have and swapping it for stress — whether at work or in relationships. I fear that somehow the last year will become a distant memory — and quickly at that. Knowing how students often feel after studying abroad, I’m worried that people at home won’t understand what I’ve experienced this year. I don’t want my excitement about Oz to come across as unhappiness with being home. I’m scared of never feeling the way I’ve felt this last year again.
I think some of these fears may stem from actually choosing to make my dream a reality. While losing what we want can certainly make us sad, I never thought that getting what I want could do the same until I heard the George Bernard Shaw quote a few years ago.
Travel in general is constantly on my mind. Traveling to Australia and doing so long term was a dream for years. It’s fair to say that it eventually became my biggest dream. I’m not sure if many people transition their biggest dreams from grand idea to reality, but I am incredibly grateful for having the opportunity to do so and proud of myself for making it happen. And now, the big question is, what comes next? After living out the dream you most desired, what do you do to follow it? There’s a fear that since I just experienced what I most wanted, nothing else will ever compare.
I’m trying not to give that fear too much of a voice, since I firmly believe that while this last year WAS a highlight, it won’t be the last. I hope the best is yet to come.
I’ve already been asked “so what’s next?!” by a few eager friends back home, and my consistent response is “not a clue”. I have a few ideas, I suppose, but nothing remotely concrete. It’s unsettling in a way, but one way I’ve changed in the last year is being okay with being unsettled. I still like to plan and organize at my core, but a new part of me doesn’t want to be scheduled or plan too far ahead. Good things happen when you have time and flexibility on your side.
This will be my last post until I am back home. Once I’m back in Virginia, I still have 10 posts or so to write about the cross-country road trip and Sydney, in addition to reflecting on the move from Sydney to Charlottesville. After that, I have plans to continue writing about wherever travels and life may take me. Thanks for reading and sharing in my life this year — hope you stick around as I discover what comes next.
Featured image from creative commons
Twitter Updates
Great post! I know you’ll find a path that suits you – it’s the way it’s meant to be.
Thanks Ad — you know you’ve been a huge influence in helping me brainstorm what may come next, and I’ll be looking to you as I navigate the transition back home.
Hope you’ve had a wonderful time in our country. I’m guessing there will be plenty more exciting adventures ahead for you! Safe travels!
It’s been great!! Good luck to you as you begin your new expat journey — I’ll be following it!
Congratulations on living your dream and thank you for sharing it with us. I know you have touched the lives of all those who know you and those who have been lucky enough to meet you along the way. I am sure life has many wonderful things in store for you. Looking forward to hearing about the rest of your time in OZ.
Safe travels home Heather.
Thank you, Camille, for reading about my adventures and providing encouraging, supportive feedback! As you know, I loved every second of traveling with Nicole (both times) and just wish I could continue this journey with her — on the other hand, I’m glad she’ll get to pursue the rest of this journey on her own and discover and experience things she may not with a travel partner.
Oh what to say. As I read through this I think ‘Oh yes, I know that feeling’ ‘Oh, and that one too.’ So many confounding thoughts and emotions to sort through. I must say though, that through this post you at least have realistic expectations which makes you in much better shape to dealing with the ‘What next?’ question when you get home. I absolutely love one of the quotes you used… I had never heard it before: “Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.” Very true. I’d put you in the ‘She’s a pretty tough girl’ category so I have a feeling you’ll be just fine 🙂
Laura, my future partner in crime — I have loved getting to know you this year through our blogs, Twitter, and email. You’ve been a great source of encouragement and support, and I pray we get to meet when you’re in DC before South Africa! And I think you’re right…anticipating difficult situations ahead doesn’t mean the difficulty will go away, but usually we’re (slightly) better equipped to deal with them.
What an honest and touching post, Heather! Have a safe trip home and know that you next adventure is waiting just around the corner… Whatever it might be. The other thing that you know (that we sometimes forget) is that if you are unhappy in what you are doing, you can always do somethig else. Sure, it is scary, but it’s better than the alternative!
Very true Allison — one of the biggest things I’ve discovered this year is the empowering feeling of leaving something behind when it’s no longer your best option/path. You and Jon were a great inspiration to me when we met several years ago, and I’m proud of you for exploring your photography passion, in addition to pursuing your previous career interests. Just as excited to see what life has in store for the two of you!
As one of those friends scattered across the USA, I won’t get to see you right when you come home… but still, I know how emotional this time must be for everyone involved. I have really enjoyed reading about all your adventures all these years (and being part of a couple of them), and I think it’s really awesome that you are so content with living unsettled and doing things outside the box. It’s inspiring to the rest of us. Travel safely and take care. 🙂
Thanks D-Man!! I thought your USA road trip was brilliant and was wicked proud of you for embarking on that trip. I’ll have to ask for your guidance as I think ahead to doing my own.
Not sure when we’ll reconnect but I’m looking forward to it!
Heather…I am so very happy that you’ve experienced something you’ve wanted so very much. Certainly, we were “On top of the world down under” when we visited! Will be very happy to see you as will scores of other family members and friends. Trusting God gives you a safe journey home to us. We await you. Love….Padre
Love you padre!! Get ready to help me get back in shape — I want us to do the 4th year 5k again!
Oh wow I have tears. I have been following your journey for like ever…lol I feel like I am a part of it even tough I am not there! I can’t believe it’s going to be over in a few hours. The thing is one adventure is ending and we both know another will be planned and begin soon. I should still be backpacking around the world in a year so if you wanna save and join me I’d be more than happy…lol!!! Good luck back home & remember you will have bigger years than this one ;)~
Jaime, thank you for faithfully reading about my adventures and chatting with me on Twitter! I’m so proud of you for breaking away and would love to travel with you later this summer, whether it’s La Tomatina, somewhere else, or both. Let’s chat about it soon. Seriously.
Heather, I am always so inspired by how eloquently you are able to express your emotions! I do believe that as wonderful as the past year was, you will have still more amazing adventures throughout your life. There will be more dreams to follow!! <3
Aww, thank you sweetie! As I’ve said, I love your voice on your blog, but even more, I enjoyed experiencing Australia with you — both back in October and again on the road trip. I cannot wait to see where the rest of your time in Australia takes you.
Keep in touch. I’ll even take my laptop down to Zumbo so you can drool over the latest macaroon selections via Skype.
Yes please!! I need some Fritsky in my life and a dash of Zumbo from time to time! There’s gotta be some airline contest I can enter and win to get a free flight back around Macaron Day, right?!
Wow, I hear ya…every time I get back home from being abroad I swear it’s going to be the last time. We’ll see.
Have a safe trip. When I get back out to the DC/MD/VA area, we’ll have to meet up!
We’ll meet up indeed! Know when your next visit might be?
Oh yeah, and if you’re curious about how my first week has gone, it’s a little something like this:
Smackdown count — Heather = 0, Reverse Culture Shock = 5 (days) and counting
Oh Heather, this post brought tears to my eyes when I read it the first time, couldn’t put into words what I wanted to respond with, so now I’m back. 🙂 I know the feeling you’re experiencing, and it’s hard. You’ve been living your dream for awhile now, and everyone expects you to put it on hold and come back to what once was. That’s pretty normal, as their lives haven’t changed much while you’ve been gone – but yours certainly has.
From reading your blog, you’ve got a certain confidence that no one can take from you now, and you will experience this level of happiness again, it just might be in a different form.
I’ve certainly enjoyed reading your posts while you’ve been in Oz, it’s been great living vicariously through you!
Best of luck and safe travels home!
Amy, thanks for always reading my blog and being so excited about my time in Australia 🙂 I know you’re eagerly counting down the days til your big trip!!
Such a beautiful entry. I know what it feels like to leave a country you’ve come to love and to wonder what on earth life has in store for you next. Heck, I still don’t know what life has in store for me.
I’m so grateful our paths crossed, and hopefully they’ll cross again sometime. I might need a couch to crash on whenever I hit the States next :-p
It sounds like you’ve recently made a big decision too — I’m going to email you to learn the story!
I’m glad we met as well (and glad Dina and I didn’t scare you off straight away at Scary Canary) and if you ever find yourself in my part of the world, you have a place to stay!
Don’t forget that no matter how you feel once you get home, you can always change things. You can always move back to Oz. Or you can always move to a different country. I feel like people get really stuck in the mindset that a job or a house is permanent. It’s not. Nothing is. You can sell us a house or quit a job. Remember that!
Very true! I know it but I’m afraid I’ll get caught up in stress/pressure and forget it. Please remind me if I go off course!
This is such a beautiful post Heather! I know that I’m late in commenting and you are already home safe and sound in Virginia by now but I just had to tell you how great of a reflection it is on your last year.
You have done so many amazing things in the past year, and all I know are the things that you have shared on your blog. I can only imagine how much more you have done.
What you’ve said about “we’ll always have Australia” really resonates with me as well. I met some of my best friends in Sydney and had some of my fondest memories to date. Now the majority of us are back home (well I’m in Italy but it’s become home) and we tend to go weeks and sometimes months without talking. Everyone is back to their life and sometimes it’s hard to accept the fact that we aren’t the same people that we were. I think that saying is a great one because no matter what happens (and I’m sure this applies for you as well) we will always have Sydney. I know that was some of the best time in all of our lives and for that we’ll always stay good friends even if we go long periods without being able to spend time together.
Thank you Annie! It was an emotionally difficult post to write but I wanted to get all of those thoughts and feelings out there. The transition has had some ups and downs so far, but I’ve been speaking with a few friends in Oz and watching the new season of Masterchef to keep me connected O:-)
It’s been a while and am just now catching up on your posts! I love that Eleanor Roosevelt quote as well. Even though I haven’t been paying attention the past year, I can’t wait to see what you do next!
Thanks Adam! I know I was following along with your journey in the beginning, but like you, once I was on the road, keeping up with all the travelers I’d started to meet was difficult. Need to catch up with your posts too 🙂