Written on Thursday, March 25
Tomorrow afternoon I have a meeting with my supervisor. Instead of discussing my mid-year evaluation, I will have to start the meeting by telling her I am resigning. I have written my resignation letter, but I’m not quite sure how to actually begin the conversation. Will I get nervous and talk around it or get straight to the point?
I am an *excellent* secret keeper, and anyone who has shared something confidential knows that it stays with me. However, keeping my own secret hasn’t been so easy. When just my family and a few close friends knew, I only talked about it every so often. Once I secured my visa, I wrote an email to a big group of friends to announce the news. Then I told a few students I advise and have a long-term relationship with. After that I grew more comfortable talking about my decision. It became something I discussed with family and friends on a daily basis. And then I found I was just catching myself at work from spilling the beans while having routine conversations with colleagues.
I don’t anticipate it will be an easy task to tell my supervisor that I am resigning to move to Australia, travel, and hopefully find a job. However, at this point I am ready to tell her and the rest of the office. I can’t keep this exciting, terrifying, huge, life-changing news quiet any longer.
Written on Saturday, March 27
Yesterday was the big day. It started with a 5am alarm and trip to the gym. A couple of buddies at the gym knew it was “resignation day”, and when they asked me how I was feeling, others who overheard wanted to know why I was resigning. Eyes got bigger. Jaws dropped. Nice things were said once the initial shock had its few moments. It was good practice for later in the day.
By the time lunch rolled around my heart was beating faster and my stomach had been overtaken by butterflies. I grabbed my cell phone and left the office to take a walk and call my mom.
At 3:30, it was time to meet with my supervisor. As I walked to her office, my heart started beating quickly again, the butterflies were in over drive, my hands were a little shaky, and my face felt warm. She’s very perceptive as it is, but I knew anyone could take one look at me and read me like a pre-school book.
I have four very busy weeks ahead at work — it’s actually my busiest time of the entire year — so I delayed the inevitable by reviewing my plan for April. And then I told her I had some news to share. And I did. There was a moment of silence and then a very nice, positive response. While she spoke with her supervisor and our director, I returned to my office and was in a bit of shock myself.
Within an hour I had shared the news with my other colleagues and the group of fantastic students I supervise. The responses have been similar — momentary surprise followed by supportive statements. I couldn’t have asked for any better.
As expected, I cried a little while telling my supervisor, and I got teary today while reading a note from one of the students. Just a few of the many tears I am sure will come in the two months between now and my flight.
I thought after telling my colleagues I would sleep well and continue on with the planning. Instead, I’m still processing yesterday’s events, probably more so than anyone else. Securing the visa made this all *very* real. Resigning from the office I have worked in for four years matched it in significance.